Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
