I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
