I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
