The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
