Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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