Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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