two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
