I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
