Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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