mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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