3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize