I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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