i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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