dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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