There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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