I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
