dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
