Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
