I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
