they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
