Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
