He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize