Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
