if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
