Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
