I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
