ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
