I hate all girls vehemently.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
