Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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