Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
