My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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