U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
