i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
