i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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