woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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