My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
