I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
