You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
