Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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