just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
