loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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