dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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