My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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