dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
