So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
