Dual....:-)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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