i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize