found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
