just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
