you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize