he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
