i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am spending my child support on dildos
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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