Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
