That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
