I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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