I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
