He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
