Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
