my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
