i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
