I am puke
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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