booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
