but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
