i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
