paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
