it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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