Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I will pee on everything he values.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
