my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You made out with two different species that night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
