Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
