dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
