buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize