I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
