once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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