Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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