haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize