grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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