how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
