You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
