I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
