Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
