went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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