Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
FUCK WHALES
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
