You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
