Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
