I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
