Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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