I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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