It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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