How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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