some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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