talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
