if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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