My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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