I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
