Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
